The City by the Bay

So I could say "San Francisco is so pretty" but that is useless.
I could show you pictures that I took of the Chinese New Year Parade to which you'd respond "oh cool" and I would immediately shake you by the shoulders and scream "you don't know man, you weren't there!" while sinking to the floor in desperation.
Because this city simply refuses to be caught on camera. Never in any other city have I fruitlessly snapped photo after photo only to be dissatisfied every time and finally succumb to recording a video.
San Francisco is not a city of sights. I mean, of course it is, it's gorgeous with its steep hills, cute cable cars and 19th century Dutch style houses, but it is not just the sights that make the city the most unique place I've ever been.
San Francisco is a sensory overload, there are smells and sounds everywhere that make the city what it is, and the combination of all these senses is what really describes the place. Which means a camera isn't going to capture half the magic of it, any more than my writing will either.

Put it this way- Haight Street is a long road of brightly coloured hippie cafes, tie dye shops, vinyl record stores and lots more, with dreadlocks and guitars everywhere. But to get the full impact of this atmosphere you need to slowly wander aimlessly down the street breathing in the weed smoke that's everywhere with the Hair soundtrack blasting on your iPod. The street just isn't the same otherwise.

And the same goes for everywhere. In fact the most boring part of my visit was walking the Golden Gate Bridge. I got halfway across and was like: "It's a bridge. It's red metal. There's a view. It's really fucking windy."
Not exactly ground-breaking stuff.
No wonder they put the Bridge on all the postcards, it's the only part of the city that is two-dimensional enough to portray by a picture. Everything else needs to be discovered by a full scale adventure and exploration into the nooks and crannies. Granted, though, there are a few basic facts you'll learn after your first day, a few examples:

Transport system: Muni buses, cheap and efficient
Main point of reference on a map: Market Street
Golden Gate Park: Stunning and bloody massive. Take a picnic, spend the day
Supermarkets: Walgreens, CVS, Safeway
Pier 39: Predictably touristy= over priced
Population: More dogs than children
Local Religion: Jogging

I'm totally serious about the dog thing, it's impossible to go more than two blocks without seeing a dog walking a human. People adore their dogs here, and if you don't then you are cast out by the dog-owners guild and made to live in the mountains where you get eaten by coyotes.
I never actually saw that happen but based on the strength of the love locals have for dogs I wouldn't be surprised if this was city law. I mean, it's what I'd do if I was mayor. Which, coupled with the fact that I'd spend my time drinking cocktails with the Queens in the Castro, is why I'd be a terrible mayor.

Ah, the Castro district. I felt a fondness and affinity to the place as soon as I stepped onto the high street and saw a man wearing nothing (and I mean nothing) except a red sock on his dongle casually chatting to two of his mates. Thereafter I spread my arms open wide to the numerous rainbow flags and declared "I'm home!"
*Please do not ask me why I feel so at home around gay men, I've never asked myself that question as I feel it would inevitably lead to extensive therapy.*
Anyhow, after flamboyantly waving to two wonderfully dressed men (a purple suede waistcoat and a silk shirt, how deliciously camp) I sashayed up past a manicurist called 'The Hand Job' and an erotic art store selling art that looked remarkably like massive dildos, to stop for a hot chocolate at the Castro Tarts' Cafe. Later I had to help an extremely good-looking gay couple, carrying a clearly adopted Asian baby, hoist their buggy onto the cable car and we all trundled of to visit Golden Gate Park. How much more San Franciscoey could my day have been?

And that's what the city is about, doing whatever you want (as long as you fit in a jog) and being whoever you want (as long as you love dogs). The whole place is alive and buzzing like a city should yet it is also a very quaint city- a term appropriately oxymoronic- as it is filled with warm friendly people who have a strong sense of community. And ok, the streets are peppered with whiffs of strong weed and dog poo, but I breathe it in gladly because to me that represents a city that is free-spirited and dog-loving. And that's pretty brilliant.